A lot of my greatest artistic heroes have been mentally or physically ill- Frida Kahlo, Micheal Jackson, Freddie Mercury, etc. It’s not a secret that pain can be the gateway drug to great art. JK Rowling, Carrie Fisher, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Sylvia Plath; they all are great writers who also carried great pain within them.
But, on my days where I can’t get out of bed and don’t see any point to existence, it’s hard to write. I’m not the only one- a lot of us have to deal with mental health issues while we have deadlines and adult obligations. You can’t just stop working just because your inner voices are telling you to. So, what do you do? The answer isn’t ‘just get over it’, however much you keep telling yourself that.
Step one- stop trying to shrug it off. When it rains, do you tell yourself it’s not raining and go out without an umbrella? No. You must go outside, even though you can’t hide from the weather. The same is true of writing when you feel you can’t. Trying to stop yourself from feeling a feeling is probably the most unhealthy thing you could possibly do.
Vomit words onto the page. If everything you do is worthless (a common belief when depressed) then what’s the harm in writing more? Write whatever comes to mind- it doesn’t have to be about your novel or story, it can be anything. In writing school, you’re taught to keep writing ‘I have nothing to write’ over and over again, until your brain is so bored it tells you what to actually write.
I know it’s hard. I know it hurts right now. But write anyway. Remind yourself you can’t fix a blank page– you can always fix a crappily-written tear-stained one, however.
When you have written, give yourself a reward. Something small, affordable, like a nap or a candy bar, or a break where you huddle under a blanket and watch your favourite movie. It’s very important to reward yourself. Treat yourself gently while you’re depressed, because that helps condition you to keep going through the hardship.
General rule for when you’re depressed: have unstructured time where you can do whatever you want, even if that’s just lying in bed staring at the ceiling. If something makes you feel better, then it’s worth doing.
Something else that can help your writing is having a ritual. Whenever you have a free slot- half an hour in the morning, or before bed, when you can write… make sure that’s what you do! Even if you sit down and only write a sentence, that’s more than you would have done without your writing ritual, and sticking to this kind of routine is something you can feel proud of.
A lot of people will tell you journaling helps- and if it does, great! Personally, I don’t like to write down all my worst thoughts and emotions, because it feels too much like I’m reminding myself of all the bad things, rather than focusing on the good. It gets chaotic, fast.
An alternative to journaling is to put your pain into your work-in-progress (or ‘WIP’, if you’re a pro like me). Often, I find this makes characters deeper and more diverse. If I feel alienated from the rest of the world, then one character is going to split from the group and go off on their own. If I’m depressed because of bullying, one of my characters is going to go through some similar traumas. I let my fiction get more personal than any journal ever could.
Let yourself rest. This isn’t the same as rewarding yourself for working. This is just plain and simple TLC. Sometimes depression can flare up for no reason, and sometimes there are outside factors that are making you feel a certain way. Either way, you need to take some time to rest, try to relax, and do some routine maintenance. Exercise, spend time with loved ones, eat good food (try to get some veggies in there, too! Healthy food is like a natural antidepressant). Forgive yourself if you don’t write.
Remember, you aren’t depressed because you’re a failure, and you aren’t a failure because you’re depressed. You’re not a failure at all. You’re battling one of the toughest illnesses the mind can throw at you, and you’re reading this blog, which means you’re winning. Because you’re trying, and you’re learning how to deal with it.
Well done, you!
If you feel like you’re going to hurt yourself or someone around you, put down your pen and pick up the phone. Call someone you trust, or a mental health helpline. Nobody has to suffer alone.
LitLangIsLife 